blahs

confused....

messed up....

paranoic..if there's such a word....

crazy....

deliric...if there's such a word again...haha....

mad...

aggravated....case of insanity....

can't even think clearly....

what do i want...

what do i need.....

whu am i.....

what am i......

major crisis...

ok....

let's do some loud thinking...`

who am i:

a monster?
a human?
a beast?
a dead angel?

i dunno.

what am i here?

to strike fear in ppl?
to live normally and make a family?
to heal ppls souls and comfort them?
to make others lives difficult?

sighs.

one major question too..

WHO'S THAT VOICE TALKING TO ME????????

god?
lucifer?

or is it just myself?

a sub-comscious self?

y is it there when i get into trouble and when i'm sad?

why?

why am i giving others troubles?

sam, you have successfully blackmailed me emotionally..

i mean why do you have to do this?

this is what i hate when i go onto irc...

problems like this ALWAYS happen...

*** ** *** *** ** **** **** ** ****'* **** **?

its not the way it's supposed to be you know?

sighs....

i guess...i really dunno why it'll happened....

personally....i dun really give a damn on whu the person is...

wad did the person did in the past...

or whatever probs that she has....

as long as the feeling is correct....i'll fall for it....

i can't really change why....

i want to change too....

BUT IT'S REAL DAMN HARD!

i tried before....being inert to my own feelings...

i became a zombie instead..

having no feelings at all...

everyone was looking at me like some freak...

that happened in the first year in poly...

then when i opened up,

everyone started to backstab me...

till now i bcame wad they call an inert freak...

but if i stay inert,

people look at me as if i'm not from this world....

so what am i supposed to do?

when i'm inert, people see as if i'm some alien..
when i'm not, people call me a monster on the loose..

so what am i supposed to do?

SOMEONE TELL ME!!!!!!!!

sighs.

lack of attention in my childhood..led to this?

attention seeker.....i know of this problem that i have...

but how do i face it?

sighs....

i'm really in chaos now..

i dun really know what to do...

someone....help me...

i'm sorry....i'm really sorry...

i've caused so much problems to you...

giving you a big headache...

but i really dunno wad to do....

there's really no one around whom can be like you...

i really like the times we talked...

it's really comforting to me...

if it's too irritating for you..

please do tell me allright..?

i'll make sure i won't be a nuisance to you...

i'm really sorry....

i dun really know what to do now....

sighs.