the confession

jan....this is jsut for you...it's my confession.....of all the wrongs i've done...i really hope that u can forgive me...coz i really can't lose you now....

Chapter 1a-"the timeout"

after jan left.....i was left distraught....she left without leaving me anything....i was really sad...my friends told mne that i was being played out...but i know she didn't.....coz we had a promise....that we'll be together again...but at this point....i did a mistake......i went to irc....and had a crush on another girl...thinking that she was jan...coz they chatted in the similar way........for the next 3 daes.....i was talking to the same girl...but in the end....i saw the pic in my hp.....it was jan....the sweet smile she had.....i freaked out...i realised that i made a grave mistake....she wasn't jan.....i broke down....but upon listening to "I Believe", it made me wake up....and to wait for her......


September 5, 2004 7:42 AM
Subject:
aR~
Message:
do ya misS mi?

upon sawing this...i knew that she's back.....i was happy.....but then...she saw my blog....she saw wad happened...she bcame angry.....i know that it was a beginning of something bad.....


September 7, 2004 10:41 PM
Subject:
Re: ..
Message:
sO mucH feR waitinG fer mi tO come bacK... kisS mY arsE~.... withiN a shoRt time, u'vE goT a neW steaDy or waT so eveR~ u'rE jusT... a bastarD~ i haTe yoU~ u'lL bE premenTly delEte froM my minD~

i saw this....i knew immediately that there was an misunderstanding......coz i was alone all along....the crush ended alrd by this time....i was alrd waiting for her to come back.....there wasn't anyone else le....she ignored me...she deleted me in msn....she blocked me in msn......the only way i could do something was by friendster....


Date:
September 26, 2004 5:06 AM
Subject:
aR~
Message:
hoW arE ya?


Date:
September 27, 2004 2:57 AM
Subject:
Re: aR~
Message:
not really ok...i'm hving all the down times now..i suppose.saw ur profile....i suppose the guy whom u said was me...hais.yuki..seriously...i was waiting for u all along....u've nv left my heart....at all...when u came back....u know how happy i was?..but then...i suppose u went very angry coz of an misunderstanding..i wanted to explain...but i guess i was ignored...i cried.sighs...if only i could...i would really want to explain to you throughly..i dunno if i have the chance...do i?i'm still waiting...for you...only. yuki....i still love you.hais. and yeah..my hp's 91345145 now..dad took away my sim card. contact me there..dear.

after this....she ignored me too.....no matter how many times i msg her in friendster....till i decided to do this.....

bIoodIess, 10/03/2004:
jan....perhaps this is the only way that i can pass a message for you...perhaps u have blocked me from the message board...perhaps u have deleted me away from msn..or even blocked me...perhaps u've seen my blog...i dunno...yuki....i'm still waiting for you...really...i'm not sure if u know this...but i've been waiting for u all along....since u went off...

i know that u are sad now and having problems...please...let me share it with you....i really dun want to see you sad at all...it hurts me deep in the heart....please...let me stay in your heart and heal you if i can....please....i want to share your weals and woes....hais...i dunno if this will help....but i'm going to get a new line within this week....i'll make sure tt u will be the first one to know the number....please...i'm really missing you like crazy....i need you.....hais.love, sam.

she approved that testimonial...and i know that she's giving me a chance to explain.....thank god.....then.....i wrote our story to her.....she read it....

Date:
October 7, 2004 12:15 AM
Subject:
eH~
Message:
eH~ lOlx.. u veri free to type out that storY eH~

i was really happy to see that...coz she still remembers it........she remembers wad happens....i was really happy.....then...i gave her my hp number....and frm here...i did another mistake......

i lied to her that i didn't have tt crush, and said tt it was hallucinations.

she bcame angry....and was mistakened that i was with the girl...coz i was tlaking to her at the airport.....where i went to study with my friends....i freaked out...my friends saw the unstable side of me....i tried to explain to her....but she didn't want to listen...she wouldn't listen to my calls....she kept thinking the wrong side.....i broke down at the airport.......i didn't know wad to do...till i remembered smth....the ring and necklace....

immediately, i told her that i'll go wait for her in the morning at kallang mrt station..to let the ring and necklace see their owner.....i went straight hm at 6.30....reached kallang at 9am....then i started waiting......i smsed her that i'm there le....and i waited.....and waited.....we kept smsing each other at this time...she told me the same thing....i know she's still hving that misunderstanding...that's y i waited......till she asked me to go hm.....at 2.....i know she was serious....that's y i went hm....

now...i'm at home....i'm still trying to explain to her that i'm still waiting for her.....the promise i made....which she agreed.....

jan...please....dun be like that le.....i'm really sorry.....i lied coz i really can't bear to lose you anymore....please...jan...u know how i see promises...i wun break promises as long as i made them.....we had the promise.....the promise to wait for u.....i was waiting for u.....i'm really sorry that i lied....i know i ain't a gd liar.....but i was really afraid to lose you....i can't bear to see u leave me...that's y i lied....

i wun lie to you anymore now...coz i know there's no point lying.....i just want to bare out my heart to u.....and to heed the promise that i made....the promise to wait for you...and to be with you once you are back...

jan..i still love you..please dun leave me....liking some other crush can't be compared with the love i had for you...that's y i'm still waiting...coz i still love you...dear......

Baby, please try to forgive me
Stay here, don’t put out the glow
Hold me now don’t bother
With every minute, it makes me weaker
You can save me, from the man that I’ve become

Oh yeah

Looking back on the things I’ve done
I was trying to be someone
I’ve played my part
Kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

Sadness is beautiful, loneliness is tragical
So help me, I can’t wage this war
Touch me now don’t bother
With every second it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man I’ve become

Looking back on the things I’ve done
I was trying to be someone
I’ve played my part
Kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

I hear with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more
I don’t know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart

Looking back on the things I’ve done
I was trying to be someone
I’ve played my part
Kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart(I never want to play the same old part)

Looking back on the things I’ve done
I was trying to be someone
I’ve played my part
Kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart

jan..i really can't lie to you anymore.....i can't bear to hurt u again....i really can't lose you...jan....please......let us fufil the promise.......